My First Valentine’s!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Or Galentine’s, or Palentine’s, whatever you like to call it. I’m all inclusive.

This Valentine’s Day was my first Valentine’s Day not because I was born less than a year ago like “Baby’s First Birthday” but because this is the first year I’ve been in a proper exclusive relationship. I’m really happy and content and since it’s the perfect day to celebrate it, I thought I’d share and articulate my feelings and emotions about them and my experience of being in a relationship.


I met you in a coffee shop. Cheesy and old school, I know, but I guess life just happens. I wasn’t looking for a commitment, and to be honest, I wouldn’t normally go for someone like you but I gave it a go.

Fortunately for me, you turned out to be quirky and vibrant, but sweet, soft and warm on the inside. And I love the way you smell. I love your rosy complexion and creamy white quiff and your curves and how cute you look as you just sit quietly. I can sit with you all night, wondering about the possibilities of the Universe, our future lives, things to put on our bucket lists, how weird it is we pretend to be asleep to fall asleep. You know, the usual.

But I know our relationship has an expiration date. My parents keep telling me you’re not good for me but you make me feel better when I’m stressed and depressed. I get excited knowing I’ll get to see you at the end of the hard days. We’re unconventional and untraditional but come on, it’s 2019! We can be free with our feelings. Who cares what people think? People can date whoever they want!

You make me feel really good. Especially inside me. 

You were really yummy, my little Red Velvet Muffin. ❤️




Women are disgusting.

Seriously. To even think that some of them have the NERVE to discuss the red fluids that leak out of them every month…oh my god. Two words for them. Get help.

Don’t even get me started on “equal pays”. What does that even mean? If you didn’t know, women have these things called boobs. I mean some barely have any and they should be shamed and laughed at for that, to be honest, but the ones that do are actually 20% slower than men. That’s not even including the lack of muscles females have. Therefore, being slower, women can’t get as much done as men, so inevitably, men should get paid more right? Makes sense.

And then there’s pregnancy. Like okay, we get it, we need to reproduce the future generation but come on, it’s the 21st Century, you can work with a baby growing inside of you. As a developing society, you’d think that women would at least try and act stronger. After all that preaching that they’re just as strong, at least practise what your preach, am I right?

Another issue, linking in with the whole pregnancy fiasco is breastfeeding. We get that you need to feed your children, yada yada yada. But do it in a private place, where we can’t see. People could literally be eating. I’d like to keep my food inside me. #FreeTheNip? #ConcealIt. Come on, don’t be selfish, think about others around you.

Feminism – whoever came up with it had a good sense of humour.