Hellooo 2019!

We are finally in the New Year!! Whoop whoop!

 

Although in my last, very depressing post, I mentioned that 2018 wasn’t a great year, I realised a lot of good and exciting things happened. For one, I got a little kitten, Willow, who is my pride and joy. I turned 18 (still a little bitter about it 😂 ) and my friends turned 18. I made really close new friends and formed new relationships!

And it all got me thinking about the exciting things to come in 2019! So, today I’m going to be listing some things I’m excited for in this new year.

 

Last Months at My School

I’ve been at my current secondary school for about seven years. That’s more than a third of my life. And now, I only have about six months left of being there. I’m not looking forward to leaving but I’m looking forward to the last moments with the people I grew up with and the place I call a second home.

 

Prom 2019

I am really really looking forward to my sixth form prom! It’ll probably be the last time my year comes together and I can’t wait for the parties after. 😂

 

Freedom in Summer

If any of you did GCSEs, you know the summer between the end of your actual GCSE exams and beginning of sixth form is like heaven. You can literally do anything without feeling guilt for not revising, etc, because there is nothing to revise for and absolutely no school work to do. It’s going to the be the same thing between the end of A Level exams and the beginning of University! Maybe not as heaven like because I have to prepare to go to Uni but still!

 

A Levels and Uni

Everything I’ve been working forward to since year seven will be coming to completion soon (fingers crossed though, I might still fail). I cannot wait to finish A Levels. It’s tiring and emotionally draining and yeah, I love my subjects, but I also need a damn break. I also can’t wait to go to University and study biochemistry!

 

Moving Out

I’m hopefully going to live in student accommodation while studying at University. Even if it is just for my first year (depends what one I get into). I can’t wait for the new experience of living with totally new and different people and the experience of struggling financially. 🙂 Most of all, I can’t wait for the freedom.

 

Keeping in Touch with Friends

Funnily enough, I’m looking forward to seeing what friends I actually stay in contact with. I know a few I definitely will still talk to but there are some, who I’m a bit sceptical about, and I’m interested in seeing how things pan out.

 

Climbing up the O2

For my 18th birthday, I was given a voucher/ticket to climb the O2 arena. I’m taking my best friend with me and I’m just really looking forward to almost dying. 😀

The 02 Arena

 

New Year Resolutions

I’m actually kind of excited about doing my new year resolutions. I barely did any of the ones I set last year because I overestimated the time I had but I made achievable ones this year, taking everything I’m doing this year and the time I have into consideration. So here they are:

  • Stretch daily (I want to be flexible)
  • Own a plant and look after it (apparently it helps your mental health…I didn’t read much into it 😂 )
  • Find a new hobby (a few years ago I was looking for a new hobby and decided to do dream journaling and I love it so I’m open to another new hobby I wouldn’t normally think of doing)
  • Learn a new skill (possibly an instrument…like piano cause I used to be able to play it)
  • Stay optimistic (wrote this for my 2017 resolutions and 2017 turned out to be the best year of my life)
  • Be more spontaneous and confident, don’t hesitate (I’m pretty spontaneous as it is but there are times where I remain in my comfort zone when I know I shouldn’t)

 

Looking forward to what 2019 holds! What did you do for New Year’s Eve?

ᴵ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵃᵖᵖˡʸ ʲᵘᶦᶜᵉ ᵈʳᵘⁿᵏ

 

-Shay

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What 2018 Taught Me!

2018 hasn’t been the best year but I remain optimistic and continue to believe everything happens for a reason so with that, I want to dedicate this post, the last post of 2018 on my blog, about what I’ve learnt.

 

Over the course of this year, I’ve been experiencing weird symptoms. Years ago, typical and well known symptoms of depression I experienced included lethargy, eating a lot more and irregularly, loss of interest in hobbies, minor memory loss, etc. Although it was a horrible period in my life and I wouldn’t want to go through any of that again nor would I want anyone to go through any of that, it was more comforting to know that those were ‘normal’ and common for someone who is depressed. More comforting that what I experienced this year, anyway. There were two major new symptoms:

  1. Personality Crisis
  2. Depersonalisation

The personality crisis situation was the worst one. It began at the end of Spring/beginning of Summer. I started to feel not like myself and I didn’t even know what ‘myself’ was. I didn’t know how to respond or behave in situations because I didn’t know how I would respond. You know how actors have to try and put themselves in the shoes of their characters so they know how to behave like them – that’s how I felt. I felt like I was trying to put myself in the shoes of myself. It felt like I was getting to know a whole different person. What made it worse was people were catching onto this. I got called ‘dead’, which means boring. And boring is one of the top things I never want to be. I would literally prefer someone to call me ugly, annoying and dumb (tell me something I don’t know 😜 ) over boring so as you can imagine, it really hurt. But because other people started to notice my ‘new’ personality, I conformed to it. I kept asking people what they would describe me as, I even did personality quizzes to see what my personality was because I didn’t even know. That’s the extent it got to.

But I learnt that, like what straight adults say to bisexual teenagers, it’s just a phase. It goes away and you have to remain strong. Don’t give in to what people tell you, that’s the worst thing you can do. I learnt to ‘connect’ back with myself and stay in tune with my own emotions and thoughts not others. You might suffer with personality crisis more or less than I did but you have to remain strong and try to talk to someone and help yourself. YOU CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING!

 

Depersonalisation is ‘a state in which one’s thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not to belong to oneself.’

Real life doesn’t feel real, basically. The first time I came across this term was when my cousin told me she had it. I had never heard of it before but it sounded unreal and crazy. She had it bad, too. I began experiencing mild doses of it every now and again, just for a minute. It felt like my mind was on a rocking boat on the ocean and reality wasn’t straight. My mind felt out of my head but surrounding my body and it felt like I was in a dream. I almost felt trapped and stuck. I was surprised that I was experiencing it since I never thought I would go through it when my cousin told me about it. I’m almost 100% sure I didn’t have the disorder, I just had experiences of depersonalisation. 

What made it worse is I lucid dream so sometimes real life would feel like I was just in a lucid dream. The small periods of time I would feel this way began to stretch into days and weeks. I’m pretty sure it’s positively correlational with the amount of stress I was experiencing because now that I’m not as stressed, I don’t feel out of my body or in a dream. I do have a really embarrassing story, that happened recently that links in with this but that’s for another day. 😄

This also linked in with the personality problems because, since I felt so out of it, I didn’t know how to respond to situations anymore.

Honestly, I don’t know what I learnt from experiencing depersonalisation (apart from what it is) but it made my year poop and also, it’s a good way to educate people about it since I had no idea what it was. And if you, yourself, are experiencing it, you’re not crazy or weird and you can get through it! Seek help, talk to someone, manage your stress, etc.

 

I learnt a lot about friendship over this year. In life, you make close friends and even though you love them, you may end up distancing. By all means, if you want to, reconnect and build back that bond. But…sometimes you’ve got to let it go. I don’t even like Frozen that much but that ice chic is a smart chic. Let it go. You may damage your relationship and mental health if you keep trying to reconnect. Let the past be in the past. Don’t cut them out, unless they’re a negative person, but just let nature do it’s thing. New friends will come along the way. Probably. 😄

 

In terms of school, be persistent. The amount of teachers, this year, who didn’t have as much hope in me as I would have wanted them to was heart breaking. I’ve talked about not conforming to what people say plenty of times and proving people wrong but it’s become such a problem. Believe in yourself and work hard! It’s fun when teachers realise you’re smarter than they thought. And don’t be afraid to be a little confrontational. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to apply to Universities I wanted, this year. 😂

 

There’s a lot of other little personal things I learnt, which aren’t lessons you can take away. I learnt on my duke of Edinburgh award expedition that I’m physically and mentally stronger that I thought. I learnt I have really high highs and really low lows ad there’s never really an in between. I’ve finally figured out my style – basically bright colours and quirky little things like rainbow holographic hoop earrings and colourful, pattern trousers. I also learnt my hair grows really freaking fast. This time last year I  had Lord Farquaad Dora The Explorer Edna Mode hair but now my hair is almost down to my elbow.

 

Most importantly, I’ve learnt to have faith in the Universe. I know, it sounds like some cheesy quote that should be stitched on a cushion in a gift shop but I’ve just learnt to let life happen and stop forcing and controlling things and situations so that others and I can be happy. It doesn’t really work that way. You might not believe in this but I genuinely believe everything happens for a reason.

 

Oh, and one last thing. I learnt to not go overboard on the new years resolutions – you’re not gonna complete them! 😬

 

I feel like this was a very deep and cheesy post but who cares!?

What did you learn this year?

 

-Shay

She’s A Lady!


I AM NO LONGER THE DANCING QUEEN! 😢

It was my eighteenth birthday yesterday. A day I wasn’t really looking forward to.

 

My helium balloon!

First of all, I had four tests (in the week) to prepare for, which is also the reason I’ve been MIA, and the stress of it all, although I don’t show it, was getting to me. However, that being said, I had the best day! Since it was a school day, I got a lot of ‘Happy Birthday’s and messages and birthday snapchat stories because that’s how our generation show love. And my friends made it such a great day.

 

But, as I promised from a previous post, I’m going to explain why I didn’t want to turn eighteen.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not saying any of the following is relatable and about all adults, I just felt like me, being eighteen, means I’m more prone to these things.

 

First of all, being an adult tends to be associated with maturity and responsibility. I, on the other hand, am a very weird, energetic person in real life. I do weird crazy things. Being an adult means I can no longer blame that behaviour on the fact I am a child. This is sad news. I still have the face of a twelve year old, though, so I might pass as a child.

 

Making friends is easier when you’re a child because you’re in school practically everyday. I still have another year in school but still! I have university either next year or the year after and although there will be people there to talk to, I feel like it might be harder to make friends. I am a social person and will take initiative in situations like that but it’s still daunting.

 

I used to get stuff for free. NOW I HAVE TO PAY. For example, I have to pay for eye care, dental care and probably a bunch of other stuff I don’t know about. That’s actually a little bit of a lie because I still get eye and dental care for free since I’m in full time education but my point is, being eighteen means I have to pay for stuff. My parents are making me pay for my phone bill. ☹ I do like to be in control, though, so maybe it’s a good thing.

 

I hate the idea of being grown up. I don’t want to grow up. This ties in with the acting weird point because I don’t want to be completely mature and ‘normal’. I also don’t want to worry constantly and get so involved in money issues.

 

I have to make big decisions and there’s not much leeway for my indecisive ways, right now. I can’t just change my mind tomorrow and decide I want to be an astronaut, like you can do when you’re a child. I know that it’s never too late to do what you want (unless you’re on the brink of death, then I’m so sorry) but the way society works and the school system works, I feel pressured to make sure my whole life plan starts now and isn’t a failure.

 

I can go to prison for a criminal offence. This one’s going to be really difficult for me. 😬

Despite all of the negativity that’s been most of this post (sorry), I wanted to add a little bit of positivity because on the majority of occasions, I try my hardest to look on the bright side of things. 😄

  • I can finally vote, which is important to me because I like to make my own decisions and have my say on things.
  • I can serve jury duty, which is always fun, amirite?!
  • I can get a tattoo. I actually want to get one of a semi colon!
  • Ya girl gets paid more! A whole two pounds more. 💸
  • I can make a will, which, again, is always fun!
  • I can buy fireworks.

The vegan Baileys ft. Willow, my cat

I can do a lot more important things but those are my top six.

 

 

Also, big announcement! I had my first legal alcoholic drink. It was dairy free almond milk Baileys. Dairy free because one of my best friends, who gave it to me, is vegan and is clearly respectful to the acne prone antichrist that is my skin. She also made me a vegan cake.

 

To end on a high note, eighteen isn’t that bad. AgE iS JuSt a NuMBeR…

 

-Shay

Rants of Retail!

I have a part time job in a clothes shop, where my role changes throughout the day. This means I get to experience different aspects and areas of working in retail and although I am extremely grateful for having a job, especially since it’s not a hard job, there are still downfalls.

So today, I’m going to be ranting about those downfalls. 😀

 

The Customer Isn’t Always Right

Customer service is a huge part of working in retail and I’m generally a nice person, so I am nice to the customers and try to help as much as possible. But good lord, give me strength, sometimes there are people that I honestly think and choose to think have come from living in a cave, having been raised by wolves. It’s like they have no respect or care for other people. I completely understand you can be in a bad mood but it’s still wrong to be mean to someone, especially a worker trying to help you out.

I’ve gotten subtle racism, rude remarks about how I’m doing things wrong when I’m really not, ageism, harassment from older men, etc.  It can really mess up your day when you experience it.

 

The 5p Bane of the Universe Bag

In the UK, the charge for a plastic carrier bag is 5p. This is because it promotes and encourages people to not buy plastic bags and re-use their own or get a bag for life. It means that there will be less plastic bags littered on the streets and less plastic will be manufactured and broken down, adding to global warming. And I mean, it’s only 5p. You can find that on the walk to the shop.

However, if I got 5p for the amount of times I’ve been asked why they need to pay for it or have to stand behind the till, listening to customers complain about the charge, I wouldn’t even need a job. It gets old.

If you don’t want to get rid of your change, re-use a plastic bag or use the magic and power of your hands.

And then I have those cases where people will buy the tiniest thing like a keyring and ask for a bag. Seriously? XD Defeats the whole purpose of save the environment.

 

The Jokes

Sometimes, there isn’t a price tag on the clothes that someone is buying. This means I have to type in a code and usually, before I type it in, I tell them there’s no price tag so they know why I’m going to be tapping away at the keyboard. And sometimes, there are people who like to make overused jokes. I love conversing with customers but just skip the annoying jokes like the ever so funny, “Oh so I guess it’s free then haha.” This also happens when the barcode isn’t working.

I didn’t know I was serving Kevin Hart.

 

Waste of Timers

I often get customers come up to the till with a pile of clothes and I’ll start scanning them. Then they’ll ask what size the item they got is and say “oh…that might be too big.” And then they’ll decide they don’t want it. And that’s fine, you can change your mind but don’t. do. it. for. every. single. item.

And sometimes items are misplaced in the wrong sections. Some stands have signs on it saying £8. It actually says from £8, which means £8 and up. But nobody ever reads the ‘from’ bit so they’ll come up, thinking what they’ve got is whatever it said on the sign and not on the actual price tag and then get irritated at me when it’s a price higher.

Along the lines of wrong prices, sometimes people come up to the till, get me to scan and de-tag and bag everything and then realise the price is a whole £2 above what they thought the price was and yell at me. XD

READ THE PRICE TAG OR ASK FIRST!!!

 

Also, don’t come and tell me that a certain item you have your eye on is cheaper in another shop. If it’s cheaper in another shop, go there then.

 

Are You Gonna Pick That Up?

But seriously, are you?

The amount of times I’ve tidied something up and someone goes over to that particular stand and dropped a few things, turned the hangers around, managed to turn the clothes inside out and have the audacity to look me in the eye and do nothing is beyond me. Or let their kids run around knocking things to the floor.

I get that it’s my job and I have to clean it up but it’s not hard to just hang the one thing your just dropped. It’s like littering and saying it’s the street cleaner’s job to pick it up.

 

The Cherry On Top

Get ready for this because these are true stories. I have never been there on the days these have happened but I get told about it very quickly.

 

One piece of advice for you when clothes shopping is don’t get to comfy in the changing rooms.

People have pooped in there. For real.

 

This one man kept asking for the toilet and asked what he was gonna do since there isn’t a toilet. So he went in the changing room and I don’t think I need to explain anymore.

This other boy was trying on these suits. He was in the changing room for ages and my manager asked his brother why he was taking so long. Eventually, the boy came out, with poop in the suit trousers. He pooped in the suit trousers!!! I actually did come that day but not to work, just to shop.

There have been other cases and some with urine too. You’ve got to mix it up every now an again, of course.

 

Despite all these downfalls, I love my job and the people I work with and even the customers, because most of them are nice. I am very grateful for having it and the downfalls can be annoying but to be honest, they don’t actually bother me a lot. There are definitely more pros to cons but I thought the cons would be funny to rant about. I may post a pros post later on.

 

Do any of you have a job or have experienced the same things I have?

 

-Shay

Meet Willow!

For a few days, me and my sister have been searching through ads online for kittens. It wasn’t that we knew, for sure, we were going to get one, we just wanted to look and raise our hopes of getting one. We ended up dragging my dad into the searching and he soon became intrigued. My mum refused to get involved, worried about the sofas and curtains and amount of money we would spend.

 

Willow in the Car

However, and I think you expected this, we saw an ad on Gumtree and we messaged the owner. Three hours later, we were on our drive to their house.

In the three hours before getting her, we contemplated between the names, Penny and Willow. I even sent a vote to my snapchat streaks, friends and cousins, because I couldn’t decide. The winner was Willow, which suited her more anyway.

She meowed in her carrier box on the journey back and let me tell you, this kitten has a loud meow. I had to take her out and hold her for the rest of the journey, as she stared out the window, to stop her meowing.

 

Willow’s a very shy and skittish cat but she’s also very hyper and clumsy. And obviously, she’s adorable!

Although she’s quite hyper, she’s very different to my old cat, Milly, who was quite confident, brave, friendly and crazy. I think her personality will develop more over time, though.

 

Sleeping Under the Chair

She loves sleeping under this chair, which can move out into this bed sort of thing when you press a button, so it’s kind of annoying because now we can’t use the button in case we squish her.

She also won’t do her business in the litter box, if we watch her. I think she gets embarrassed and she goes when we’re not around or she’ll pretend to do something else near by it until we leave.

 

I haven’t had a cat since 2012 so I cannot wait to experience all the ‘cat’ things like waking up to her taking up most of my bed space and the dead mice in our living room.

 

I hope you love Willow as much as I do! I might make more updates on her as time goes along!

 

-Shay

More Crazy Things I Believed as a Child!

I previously made a post about the crazy, absurd things I believed when I was younger and since a lot of people enjoyed reading about how abnormal my head worked, I thought I’d make a part two!

 

How Babies Are Made

I used to think that if two people kiss for a long amount of time, there would be a high chance the female in the couple would become pregnant. I would always wonder when watching films, where people kissed, why they weren’t worried that they would make a baby. I was also scared to ever kiss anyone. I never got the birds and the bees talk. I ended up realising kissing didn’t cause a sperm to fertilise an egg, in year five sex ed lessons.

 

Car Lights

I think this is a common one but I used to think, because of my mum, that it was illegal to turn on the lights inside the car. Surprise, it isn’t! I’m not gonna lie, though, I used to flick it on and off just to scare my mum since I thought it was against the law. I was an edgy kid. 🤙🏽

 

Jeepers Creepers

One of the first horror films I ever watched was Jeeper Creepers. I watched it when I was about four to five. I have great parents. It didn’t traumatise me as much as you might think. I’m okay. I only go to therapy once a month now. 🙂

My guy, Jeeper Creepers

However, for a long long time, I was convinced one day Jeepers Creepers, this scarecrow moth demon thing, was going to get me and at one point, I had accepted it. I accepted my fate. Also, now I hate corn fields. Don’t watch the film, it’s actually really stupid.

I think I finally stopped being scared and watching my back constantly when going into dark areas at around eight. Again, it didn’t traumatise me as much as you might think.

 

Ants and Spiders

My mum once told me that if you left food out, ants and spiders and bugs would come along and surround the area. This is technically true but my little mind interpreted it wrong. I thought she meant by leaving food out, it would cause spiders and ants to just spawn in that exact spot.

One day, in reception, we were all sitting down after break or lunch. Someone had left some sort of food out on the floor and I whispered to the girl next to me about what my mum had said. The rest of that day, I was staring at the floor, waiting in fear for the ants and spiders to erupt from the ground. They never did. But who really knows…

 

Holding Your Breath

I thought that holding your breath would stop your lungs and heart working for a short time. So, I assumed when I held my breath, my pulse would stop too. I never checked the theory and went along with it as if it was legit factual information. It was also one of those things you never think about properly so for a long time, I just believed that holding your breath would also hold your heartbeat.

 

Spiderman Theme Tune

I never properly knew the Spiderman theme tune. There must have been a point where I did know it considering he’s always been my favourite Marvel superhero since I was about five or six (I used to pretend he followed me around and that he was my boyfriend –  don’t judge). Over the years, I have always sung the theme tune differently and for a while, this is the one I’ve stuck to:

Spiderman, Spiderman

Does whatever a Spiderman does

Is he too cool for school?

No he’s not cause he’s an alpaca

Watch out, Spidey’s coming for you!

 

It seems abooout right…

 

Babybel

Babybel is this brand of snack cheese. It’s basically circular cheese encased in this red waxy rubber covering. And everyone brought them in their pack lunches in primary school. So one day, when me and mum went food shopping, I begged her to get babybel cheese because I wanted to bring it to school to basically fit in. Screw being unique! That’s not how you make friends in primary school! My mum told me that I wouldn’t like  it and then she went on to say that it was disgusting and it really put me off it. I would see loads of my friends eating it and I would just sit there thinking, Shay, it’s gross and it doesn’t even look like real cheese. It’s not your loss for not having it, it’s really a gain. I talk to myself a lot

That’s the reason I’ve never even licked one of the babybel cheese snacks. I still continue to think its gross. Maybe I’ll put it on my bucket list to eat one, along with participating in an orgy. I’m just kidding! 😂 I would never eat babybel cheese.

 

Those are some more stupid things my dumb head believed when I was little (and maybe when I got older too… 😅)

Please share any silly things you believed! It’ll help my self esteem. 😊

 

-Shay

Crazy Things I Believed as a Child!

There are a lot of silly and weird things I believed when I was little. I complied a list of a few I could remember and I thought they were too funny to not share.

 

Quick Notice: Before reading this post, make sure to check the Member Search in our online magazine, The Artistics, a group blog/magazine, administered by Jerrod, where we share our creativity. We’re looking for more members so check it out!

 

FedEx Vans

I used to see FedEx vans everywhere, when I was younger, but I didn’t know what they were used for. There was one right outside my house that stayed there for ages. It had been there for years. Inevitably, my little imagination assumed they were spies and were watching people. I mean, who really knows…

 

Growing A Plant

I used to watch Strawberry Shortcake. In this particular episode I saw, she was explaining what you needed, to grow a plant, in three steps. Number one was sunlight. Number two was water. And because it was frEaKIng Strawberry Shortcake, she suggested for number three that you needed love. SO, I was in year three/four, I think, and we were learning about plants. The teacher asked our entire class to raise our hands if we knew what you needed to make a plant grow. Two people had already said the sun and water and nobody else knew anymore so I thought, Hahaha these ignorant fools. I put my hand up and with extreme confidence, announced you needed love to make a plant grow. Spoiler alert, that’s actually wrong and I’m suing Strawberry Shortcake for my emotional damage. Don’t trust that hoe.

I’ve found kids TV shows say a lot of weird things, for example, I once overheard a care bear say “I feel as tired as a nipple after feeding time”.

 

Sleeping Beauty’s Birthday

I got this personalised Disney Princesses story book for my birthday, which is the 16th of October, where I was a character in three different stories (Cinderella, The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty). You’ve probably already heard of something like this but it’s a company that puts the child’s name in the book to make it seem like they’re going on the adventure with whatever the main book characters of the story are. At the beginning of the story, it states it’s the 16th of October and that it’s Briar Rose’s (Sleeping Beauty) and my birthday. So for years and years, after getting that book, I thought Sleeping Beauty had the same birthday as me and I’m not gonna lie, I think it was only last year, at my big age of sixteen, that I realised that the story was personalised for me and every child, who gets that story, will have the same birthday as Sleeping Beauty and it wouldn’t be the 16th of October. You don’t know how many people I’ve told that I have the same birthday as her.

 

The Wind

My mum, for some unknown reason, told me if I made a weird or rude face and the wind changed direction, my facial expression would stay the same forever. I used to be terrified that I would accidentally make the wrong face when I was playing outside while windy.

 

The Land of Orange Juice

When I was in reception or year 1 (about ages 5-6), my best friend came to my house for the day. We were eating lunch and my mum left the room. My friend split her orange juice on the table and I said “Uh oh.” I don’t know why I did this but I started telling her the butterfly effect of what she had done. I said that the orange juice would slowly spread across the whole table and then to us, which would make us stay stuck in the same position forever, and then it would cover the floors and then the house and then the garden, and our parents and eventually, the entire world and then everybody on it and then the Universe and we would all be stuck forever. She cried.

 

Were there any crazy things you believed when you were younger or even recently? I’d love to hear them! 😄

 

-Shay